Love or War

The attacks on women in pubs of Mangalore last year sparked a debate across the country. The whole country talked about teaching all these people a lesson. However I believe that the people who indulged in these acts have been grossly misunderstood.

To put things in perspective let’s first try to understand the people who did these things. Let’s analyze the facts and the philosophy of these people to get a grip on the issue. According to the beliefs of these people if a girl goes out with other girls it’s perfectly all right and so is the same if a guy goes out with other guys. However, if a guy goes out with a girl, according to them that is totally inappropriate and they won’t tolerate or allow this behavior. Now this is where most of the people and the media got it wrong – these people aren’t old fashioned or hardliners. In fact, far from it, these people are the most modern kind of activists that India has seen so far – Gay Right Activists.

If you really think about it, it all makes perfect sense. There are hardly any gay bars in India, most of the people are homophobic and there is no socially acceptable place for gays to meet. So all these men were trying to do is to get the women out of the pub so that they can have the whole place and all the hot guys to themselves. And even though it is not all justified that they beat up the women because they were jealous of them (inside sources say that most of them had a crush on the boyfriend of the girl that they beat) but we do tend to say that “everything is fair in love and war” and for most of the activists this is both love as well as war.

To make matters worse many women decided to send these guys their pink lingerie on Valentine’s Day as a mark of protest. That must have had these guys heartbroken – not even a single undergarment from any of the hunks that they adore but so many “undies” from women of all ages. That is indeed cruel - It’s like gifting a whole range of shoes to a man who has no feet.

This simply proves that the world is not fair but as the famous line from SATC goes “The universe may not always be fair but it does have a sense of humor”!

Reality is Perception

What exactly is truth or reality? Who or what decides what it is?

According to www.dictionary.com truth means “conformity to fact or actuality”. However, if the truth is factual shouldn't it be the same for everyone? And if it is so then why is it that the version of reality changes from person to person? Or why is it that even the so called "universal truth" has various interpretations?

The fact of the matter is that behind everything that we believe is “true” there is a big assumption. The basis of each and everything considered “the truth” or “the reality” is a fact and if the basic fact that is used as the premise varies for different people then it automatically changes the” truth”. So while today we laugh at anyone who says that the earth is flat, just 4 centuries ago even a mere possibility of the idea that the earth is round was considered blasphemous. In fact many a scientists had to give their lives in order to believe in a truth that was different from what the rest of the world believed in.

Everything that we believe in is derived from cognition – the mental analysis of interpreting the facts based on our experiences, beliefs and perception.

“Satya ki paribhasha har ek ke liye alag alag hoti hai!” – This dialogue from the popular TV series “Chanakya” that I used to watch as a kid changed the way that I thought. I was really amazed at the way the idea that “Reality Is Perception” was described with an example of a rose. The simple reasoning that “Everyone thinks that a rose is beautiful but everyone has a different reason for believing it.“ really hit the point home. I remember being really fascinated by this argument and it really opened me to see the world not only from my perspective but from others too.

At the end of the day reality is nothing but perception and so is truth. We see the world through the glasses of our experiences, our beliefs and ideas and that, more than often, creates our own version of reality, our own version of truth. And even if the underlying facts remain the same , looking at them though different glasses will lead to totally different results.

“The biggest fights in the world are not between the wrong and the right but the right and the right” – I read this line so long back that I have even forgotten where I read this. What I haven't forgotten is my belief that this statement provides the reason as to why some of the biggest problems in the world haven’t been solved yet. Whether it’s India and Pakistan over Kashmir, Israel and Palestine over Jerusalem or one of my previous managers and me over my performance appraisal; the reality is that each side has some facts that are the whole premise of their stand and unless the effort is made to get to a common premise the differences will never be resolved.

It’s good to have an opinion, what’s better is to base it on facts. However, what is best is to base your opinions on facts, acknowledge new facts and when they come up reform your opinions accordingly. Because as Stephen Hawking famously said - If you still think the same way as you did 20 years back you are being stagnant.

Melancholy - Random Thoughts

Every once in a while the pain gets unbearable. I hope it will pass and sometimes it even does , but only sometimes. When it does pass I wait for it to come back. When it doesn’t pass I slip further into the darkness.

I want to scream but the words just don’t come out. I want to run away but my legs don’t support me. I want to cry but the tears don’t come. I want to lash out but I don’t know how.

It seems as if the time has stopped. It seems as if the life has stopped.

Every time I feel I have hit rock bottom I slip further in the abyss. Every time I think that things can’t get worse they do.

The world hasn’t ended; it still exists out there, just not for me. Happiness does exist out there, just not for me. Life does thrive, just not for me.

The rainbow still attracts people’s attention, I can’t even see it. The rain still does drench people, I don’t even get wet. The wind still blows people away, I don’t even feel it. The sunshine does invite hope in everyone, I can’t even imagine it.

I have a heart but it doesn’t beat. I have a body but no soul. I have a pulse but no life!

Blessed are those who Forget Easily

One thing that I envy in people is the ability to forget. I know that having good memory has its own benefits but I really envy the people who can forget easily. The reason being that I don't like to correlate brilliance with good memory - there are people who are brilliant at their work but don’t remember the name of their kids. The good thing with people who tend to forget easily is that they can enjoy the same things more than once - they can laugh at the same joke that they heard the last week, they can see the same movie again and enjoy it just the same as first time because they don’t remember the ending.

I for one can't forget that easily. I may forgive but I can't and don't forget easily. The sad part is that sometimes I wish that I could. There are things you want to forget - things that you wish you hadn't done and some that you wish you had, things that you could have done better, the fights that you had, things that you wish you hadn't said or were said to you and the pain and the sufferings associated with losing someone close. Maybe you may be better off remembering things because you do learn from your mistakes but it also means that you always carry the excess baggage of the past with you. You always have things that you can't get out of your mind , the ghosts and demons from your past that cloud your mind and prevent you from taking new steps.

I don't know if it's true but they say that Sachin Tendulkar remembers each one of his test match and ODI dismissal. He may have learned a lot from his mistakes but the mistakes also make him play safe. They prevent him from taking the same risks that he took when he went out to play as a sixteen year old. So while some one like Dhoni is fearless and takes the same risks time and again, Sachin at times tries so hard not to repeat his mistakes that he makes some new mistake.

Remember that the people who learn from their mistakes are geniuses. But the people who don't even remember their mistakes are fearless - and more than once, these are the people that have caused the greatest deeds in history.

So don't be disheartened just because you don't have a great memory. It might be a blessing after all!

Software Engineer Vs Psychiatrist

There’s no doubt that I had a big part in my brother’s decision to do his MD in psychiatry. The only question that still remains unanswered is about the way I influenced his decision – did he still saw some tiny ray of hope of curing me or did he believe that with me around him there wouldn't be any dearth of mental patients for him. Frankly I don’t care much for that as it has turned out quite fine for him – though I can’t say the same for his patients.

The reason for me deciding to go for software was plain and simple - stupidity. Having seen my father, a civil engineer, who spent most of his time on his construction sites out in the sun– I decided that I wanted to do something that would allow me to remain indoors, wouldn’t be messy and unlike doctors would have decent timings. The reasoning was all based on sound logic but I couldn’t take a couple of important things into account - I didn’t know a single software engineer and I hadn’t heard of the word night-out.

However I would like to say that while my brother slogged out during his college years, I had loads of fun in college. So while he studied in his room holding a human bone in his hand trying to figure out the differences between the eleventh and the twelfth rib, I bunked my classes, watched all the movies and led a lazy life filled with fun.

The biggest problem of doctors is that they can’t escape their profession. Whether you meet someone on the road, in the elevator or in a shopping mall - they always find some ailment that they need to discuss with you. It would be something minor that they don’t need to go to a hospital for. However the moment they see a doctor they don’t want to let go of the opportunity to get some free medical advice. Smart as he is, my brother’s decision to go for psychiatry did make it relatively easy for him to face this problem. The reason being simple enough that how many people would say to a psychiatrist in the street – “Doc, do you think I am going crazy?” And even if they don’t say this and come up with something less embarrassing they don’t want to risk a certified shrink say to them “You are mentally unstable”. Moreover not many people want to be recognized by their psychiatrist in public.

Software engineer’s problem is that not many people understand what we do. The common perception is that all we do is play games on our computers. Not that it is entirely incorrect but the working weekends for a release, the night outs, and all the other hard work goes largely unnoticed. Another misconception is that since we work on computers we should know everything about the hardware and fix it in case of problems. Now most of the softies know their computer hardware but believe me even if you are a formula one driver you will not know everything about your car and how it works.

The second biggest problem that the doctors face is with the patients or their friends banging the doctor's doors in the middle of the night with some emergency like heart attack or a dog bite. Here again a psychiatrist is saved – he doesn’t have to deal with emergencies of this sort. No one’s going to bang the door of a psychiatrist in the middle of the night saying – “I need emergency treatment from you”.

Nobody knocks on the door of a Software engineer in the middle of the night – at least not anyone with the right intentions. The only people who like to sneak into a softie’s apartment are those who want to make a quick buck. And they are more than likely to succeed if they software engineer in question is a bachelor – either he will be in office or getting drunk in a local bar.

Some time back I realized that I had made a rather dumb career choice by joining the Software industry. As the software industry depends on other businesses to give us business, the moment the economy goes down we guys are the first ones to take the hit – obviously the soft targets. My brother on the other hand made a very prudent decision when he took to psychiatry. If the economy is good he gets lots of patients of mania and stress related problems and if the economy is bad he gets depression patients. Now isn’t that a win-win situation.

The good part in being a software engineer is that I don’t have to live with my mistakes by carrying them on my conscience and I don’t have the risk of being beaten up by my clients. While it is quite common to hear that the patients beat up a doctor, as most of the patients are all but patient, it is safe world for the softies. The clients might be demanding and some of the coworkers might be jerks but we still don’t need to work under police security. And to add to that I have a clean conscience – just like my bank account.

I believe that it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do it well and give it all that you have. Right now I am munching some nuts and by the looks of what’s left in the plate I did a pretty good job at it. And yes I did give it my all – the 20 bucks that were left in my wallet.

So software might be my calling and psychiatry of my brother but my friend is calling me right now so I gotta go!

Yet Another Analogy

"Programming is like sex - One mistake and you have to support it for life". One of my friends had put this quote on his orkut profile. Funny as it is but I don't agree with it. Seldom do the guys who make the biggest mistakes in the project end up in support of the product.

Now IT projects are not very different from our lives and relationships. So let me do the classification of IT projects albeit with a new approach.

A development project is a long-term relationship - something like love culminating in marriage. In the beginning you don't know what you are getting into and in the end you are thinking if this is what you really wanted in the first place. However between those two points are several phases - beginning with the one where you start knowing each other (the requirements gathering), the second phase when you are going steady and dream together about your future (design - which BTW isn't even remotely similar to the end product), third is the implementation phase where you involve the families. The preparation for marriage is testing by any means and most of the couples even do the user acceptance testing. The big difference is that the culmination of a relationship is the marriage whereas the end of the project is Release. Now release is a beautiful word and in the best of context it means that you're out of jail but marriage is just the beginning of the sentence.

Production Support Projects are almost similar to the oldest profession of the world! Let me make things a little clearer by pointing out the similarities - there is always a haggling over price and the middlemen make the most out of the deals. The clients want instant results, the workers don’t know whom they are servicing and they don't even care as they are just in it for the money, the stress is high and the job involves working at odd hours. The bottom line - as long as the customers get l**d and the workers get paid - every one's happy.

Somewhere in between the development and Production support lie the maintenance and enhancement projects. They are the one-night stands that allow you a few niceties before you get down to the actual business. You get some time to familiarize with the subject. However just as you feel that you are starting to get the hang of it all - the game’s up and you have to move on to the next subject.

Most of the software services companies have a mix of all the above three type of projects. However don't judge the people by the projects that they are in - it's just how well the job they are doing that counts. After all as Donald Trump says in 'The Apprentice' - "It's Nothing Personal, it's Just Business!"

Crazy is Good

Have you ever done anything crazy? Done something that people thought you could or would never do – Something that is not within the realms of being normal?

A couple of years back I read the book - 'Veronica decides to Die' by Paulo Coehlo. In the book the lead character, Veronica, decides to commit suicide and takes an overdose of sleeping pills. And although she fails at her suicide attempt and survives, she gets admitted to a mental institution. During her interaction with the patients there she realizes how the definition of normal and crazy is skewed. She finds out that that the patients in the hospital are far more normal than the people outside – they express themselves freely, they do what they want to do and live life as they wish – without any thought of what other people would say or how they will be judged by others.

What do you do if you see a man dancing in the middle of the street? Most of us will just say - "That man has gone crazy!"

Now most of us wouldn't dare to start dancing in the middle of the street even if your favorite song is playing on the radio and you really feel like dancing. Isn't it normal to dance when you want to? Isn’t it normal to be who you are? At times years of social conditioning prevents us from doing what most of us really want to do. The fear of being judged prevents us from venturing out and doing the things that we like.

So what should we do – Give in to our desires and give a damn about others? The answer is simple - "I don't know". All I can say is - Do what makes sense to you and define your own boundaries. However before passing judgment on anyone do give the person some credit for trying out something that was beyond your imagination.

And for the one who does go for his dreams or simply dances on the street just because he wants to - "Go for it!"

The next time some one tells you - "You are crazy!" - Just smile back and say, "Thanks for the compliment!"